We have all been there; that place where no one wants to be. We go from being part of a couple to suddenly being alone. For some of us, it becomes difficult to sleep, eat or even go about our day. More than likely, we not only have to say goodbye to our lover but, we additionally must to say arrivederci to our best friend. This act by itself can bring a tremendous loss.
I have been through a fair share of these and here is a secret – it’s a big one – I hope you are ready! Whether you like it or not…okay are you ready??? LIFE GOES ON! Your life will continue. During this time, we have two choices. One, we can embrace the change or, two, we can sulk and allow change to destroy us. Emotional change is difficult and a huge challenge. We are forced to see ourselves in the raw and moved to become our own best friend. However, once beyond the pain, we begin to see the ultimate lesson and blessing which come from this seeming tragedy, and life tends to bloom more bright and beautiful! Here I offer you ten soulistic approaches for moving past a breakup; they work wonderfully well!
1. Create your sacred safe place, a safe zone. Lets face it, you will have to grieve, and the longer you put it off, the longer your process of grieving will be. This is the time where you must become your own best friend. So, find yourself a comfortable space to move through the emotions. This could be your room, your own apartment, your bathroom, a tree house, wherever is best for you. Make it relaxing, beautiful and calming – and make it your own. This is where you will spend some of your most crucial time – make it your safe place. Eventually this place will become your safe zone and you will enjoy spending time there alone. One other aspect to this is a little Feng Shui tactic. Get rid of anything that is going to make you cry or sad over your ex. I am not saying throw it away, but you can place these items far away so you can’t experience any of the emotion they contain.
2. Eat those greens! Have you ever heard the term “it’s not your heart that rules your emotions, its your gut”? Well, if you haven’t, now you know! The connection between your gut and your brain is so intense that they are nearly and symbiotically one. Your body has two nervous systems. There is the central nervous system, which is your spinal chord and brain, and then the enteric nervous system, which is the intrinsic nervous system of your gastrointestinal tract. Did you know that your gut sends way more information to your brain then vise versa!? My point is this, as much as you want to go for a bowl of ice cream and a candy bar, it is far better to take control and decide to eat healthy. Of course, I know, set-backs in this area are inevitable, so give yourself a couple days and allow all that bad junk. But, then take charge and begin treating your body right. You will have more power over your emotions and you will be happier overall. Plus,as an added benefit, you will look better, which is always a great plus!
3. Meditation is key. Buddah was once asked what he had gained from meditation and he replied, “Nothing! However let me tell you what I have lost: anger, anxiety, depression, insecurity, fear of old age and death.” I have found this to be true in my own life. Meditation can be intimidating when starting out because we are forced to sit with our own thoughts and after a breakup these thoughts may be especially unpleasant. However, if you put some effort into learning the practice of meditation, the benefits are outrageous. You learn to control your own thoughts, you learn to witness the thoughts coming and going while being in complete and perfect peace. I also believe prayer is when we talk to God and meditation is when we listen to God. If meditation is a new practice for you, begin small and do not be discouraged. As most things in this life, practice makes better – don’t give up. To begin, set a timer for five minutes. As days go by, increase the minutes on your timer. Mix up your meditations. I find this a wonderful practice. Sometimes remain in complete silence, sometimes play comforting music, or mix in some guided meditations! You can find these on www.youtube.com or a variety of other places. I have collected several to help me through a breakup, and most were found on youtube.
4. A positive affirmation is an optimistic phrase that you repeat to yourself in order to define how and who you choose to be. To some this is silly, but it works. The theory behind positive affirmation is this – if you begin saying these daily they start to sink into the subconscious which will, overtime, cause you to believe them and live them. These affirmations become your reality and your truth. Take a moment and write out your positive affirmations; customize them for only you. How do you want to feel? Who do you choose to be? Once you do this try and spend sometime visualizing your affirmative statements. We will get more into this in another section. In the meantime you can place sticky notes on your mirror, set a text alarm, or even set then to the background of your phone. As said prior, you choose the ones you want for your life. Below is one I have used constantly . .
5. Exercise! You have heard this one before but how true is it? After going through a big spiritual or emotional change your body changes. Difficult change can affect the way you sleep and the way you eat. And, just maybe, you would like to adjust your look all together. Well, exercise helps you in so many areas and brings such a sense of freedom to your life. Try not to look at exercise as solely physical. There are huge physical benefits but there are just as many emotional and physiological benefits. Exercising is a release in a variety of ways. It releases endorphins while facilitating a sort of, albeit temporary, emotional repair. Do you realize what this means? Endorphins interact with receptors in your brain and reduce your perception of pain. Endoprhins also trigger positive feelings in the body which can sometimes be compared to morphine. How great is that! With exercising, you are genuinely making yourself happier, allowing yourself to become healthier and – hello – you will look better which increases your self-esteem and confidence. As with most things, I believe in a balance to workouts, and I tend to make them such a mental and spiritual focus these days rather than simply physical. Here are some of my favorites. I LOVE LOVE LOVE yoga!! It is a beautiful balance of mind and exercise! Yoga mentally challenges you. You are able to meditate while you are doing it, while physically, it kicks your butt and gets you in shape quickly! I also like kick boxing. After a breakup, kick boxing will alleviate pent up anger you may have towards your ex, or even yourself. I also like having weight days. I usually go with a girlfriend and we encourage one another and lean on each other for support. Another exercise I have recently added at the gym is spin class. This is a great release and you will feel so accomplished after you realize how many miles you did. Spin class usually has a number of persons, and all pull for one another – a great benefit to this activity! If you do not want to go to the gym here is a free website I absolutely love for yoga http://www.doyogawithme.com/ and its all free! Also, mix up some fun exercises. If you live by water there is paddle boarding, surfing, kayaking, snorkeling and swimming. You can also enjoy bike riding, rollerblading, hiking; really whatever brings you joy and gets you out of bed. Go do it!!
6. Your circle. These are your people. Your close friends and family are crucial during this time, so be sure you put effort into these relationships; never forget them when this is all said and done. I am so blessed to have such amazing family and friends who have pulled me through these dark times. Keep your circle small and realize who you need in certain moments. I have some people who are great listeners who I can just vent to. I have some who give great advice. I have some who are extremely funny when I need a laugh. And, I am blessed with those who dare me to step outside my confront zone and become a better person. Surround yourself with good energy, good people and be there for them when they need it.
7. Journal! I know this may sound silly to some – writing in a journal – but this activity is so beneficial for a plethora of reasons. Journaling is also another release. Some people claim they cannot journal or believe they can’t think of what to write; and that is okay. A journal is your private place to write whatever you want, even if you want to write about your favorite candy bar; who cares, just write! The thoughts will eventually come and to your surprise they will be thoughts and feelings built up in your subconscious you never realized you had. Another wonderful thing about journals is you have the benefit of privately working through your feelings, owning the process, while introducing yourself to new elements of you! One really cool benefit of journaling is the opportunity, after some time has passed, to look back and realize how you have grown. Even looking back just a week prior, you may say “Wow, look how far I have come and how much I have accomplished in one week!”
8. Make a bucket list! Hey, here is something to start with in your journal! Write down your goals, your passions and several things you want to see and do . This could be categorized as weekly, monthly or yearly, accomplishments – or simply over your lifetime. Make it a point to start crossing things off your bucket list! This is not only an amazing feeling, but additionally. you start seeing things that YOU want out of life coming to be. There is so much more to life then being sad, angry or desirous concerning your ex! Begin to make new memories, and life starts becoming bigger, better and more glorious!
9. Try something new! This one ties into number eight and maybe even number ten. However, it deserves its own category. Go out into this big world and try something new -anything NEW! Magic happens when we step outside our comfort zone! This could be something as easy as enrolling in a painting class, or something exciting like booking a ticket to somewhere in the world you have always wondered about. Whatever it is, try it! If you don’t like it, well, at least you can say you tried it, and then try something else! Trying new things helps to increase your confidence, and it gives you a greater appreciation for yourself! It also helps you break out of a rut (remember this – a rut is simply a grave with both ends knocked out) that you might be in , like a breakup. Maybe you and your ex use to always do the same thing (redundant and boring). Trying something new changes it up for you and give you new perspective! You can gain a new skill you love and help bring abundance and more positive energy to your life. Also, you never know who you might meet!
10. Release your adrenaline! Now this one may seem crazy to some, but it has certainly worked for me. Our bodies tend to build up with adrenaline after a breakup. If you look more deeply into the brain, it tends to have the same chemical reactions as an addict in rehab after a breakup. Go do something nutty and release that adrenaline! One of my personal favorites is jumping out of a plane; you customize however you choose. Have you ever heard people talk about living in the now? When we live in the past we usually are depressed, and when we live in the future we tend to be anxious, living in the now is where happiness and joy reside. So, why do you think adrenaline junkies become adrenaline junkies? They are forced to live exactly in the now! You don’t have time to think about what you had for breakfast, or what you are going to do about your future career when you are flying through the air with a parachute strapped to your back. There is absolutely no better feeling in this world then living in the now. When you take that adventure, you are feeling life, you are tasting the wind, you are drinking in the sunshine. One of my favorite quotes from Deepak Chopra is, “You must find the place inside yourself where nothing is impossible.”
Please message me if you need any help or feel like you are in a slump where you just cant get out!
No relationship is ever a waste of time. If it didn’t bring you what you want , it taught you what you don’t want. There is a lesson in everything and everyone we meet!
Go catch your sunshine 🙂
❤ all my love!